Recreational Lies

I have a confession to make: I have a habit of lying. Don't worry, I rarely lie to people I see on a regular basis (although, I admit now, I did take that last cookie).

Hm. Not actually the last cookie...

Far too much work and perfectly illustrates the wonderfully sanctimonious "What a tangled web we weave, when we practice to deceive" (say it all together now, in a reproving sing-song).

(Nevermind, that's creepy.)

No, no. I have a habit of lying to strangers.

I don't really imagine this is an uncommon habit. Who wants to explain everything to the grocery clerk, the guy next to you on the airplane or the overfriendly bus driver? I think of it as my revenge for being forced into semi-awkward conversation. Although, come to think of it, lying a little bit sometimes makes the conversation more awkward. For example:
Charlotte is walking absent-mindedly through the bakery section of the grocery store to buy dinner rolls. (This is the stuff of great drama, dear audience).

While awkwardly maneuvering the tongs to place rolls in the weirdly thick plastic bag, the obviously bored guy behind the counter decides to start a conversation.
Bakery Guy: So, done work for the day?
Have so far spent summer not being hired. 

Charlotte: Nope, didn't work today.
Look at that, technically not even a lie.

BG: Got the day off, huh?
Dammit.
C: Yep.
BG: Back to work tomorrow?
Must finish with awkward tongs and make my escape.
C: Haha, actually not until Monday...

This encounter, dull and awkward as it is, pretty much illustrates one of the main reasons for lying to strangers - irrational fear of judgement. Does anyone care if I have a summer job? No.  Do I care if random grocery workers know that I don't have a summer job? Apparently, yes.
The other reason is laziness. Let's say I'm virtuously off to play scrabble with my grandmother's cousin's wife because we get along well and she needs the company. When the bus driver asks me where I'm going? "Oh, just going to hang out with friends." Because who wants to explain all that?
 Writing this, I realize that lying is actually a weirdly boring topic because the most successful lies are the dullest. I seem to remember a bit in The Golden Compass about good lies not needing imagination...come on, Google Books, help me out with this...aha: "Many good liars have no imagination at all..." Which may or may not be true. But it is true that most of the time a lie's success depends mainly on being so boring that no-one is interested in inquiring further. Maybe that illustrates something about the importance of curiosity (as someone who is incurably nosy, I hope so).
I do know, though, that telling little tiny lies to strangers is not only a method of avoiding explanations and judgement. You know how sometimes you end up walking about 50 meters behind someone going in the same direction as you and they keep giving freaked out looks behind them because it seems like you're a creepy stalker? That always makes me laugh a little insanely to myself. And for some reason telling unplanned, compulsive lies to people I will probably never see again gives me the same feeling of mad hilarity.

Maybe some day I'll take a cruise and adopt a fake life and lie like crazy for 10 days. Just to see if I could get away with it.
I'm probably completely insane. But I promise I'm not lying.