Haven't you ever wished for a way to quantify a person's awesomeness? Well then, the authors of this blog are proud to present the Charlotte and Sarah Universal Point System (with bonus sassy input from Candace Farrar, AKA Kandace Pharrar when she is in sorority mode - but that's a story for another post). In an age gone by, in a land called Strathcopia (our high school stompin' ground), we felt the same need, and had far too much free time. Therefore, in the wilds of Social Studies 10-1AP, a point system was born (actually several different point systems, but for the sake of this post, we'll call it ONE point system with many facets).
First came BBPs, a way of rating one's British-ness. It is universally acknowledged that a person in possession of a high level of Britivity is downright awesome. BBP stands for Bonus British Points. We recognize that this seems to imply that everyone has a baseline level of British, but really, the "bonus" just makes this a better acronym. The way a person might earn BBPs would be to use British colloquialisms non-chalantly in an average conversation. Such phrases may include, but are not limited to: faucet, jolly good, brilliant, rubbish or petticoat. A subset of BBPs examines an individual's fashion sense. At the time of their inception, examples of British-type fashion would include: bowties, ascots/ascot-style hats, three piece suits, peacoats and bowler hats. Now that in this modern age such fashions are depressingly common, earning fashion BBPs could be confused with being "hipster." It is imperative that one uses caution when assigning these points. Another important distinction to make is that a person who is verifiably British does not automatically receive BBPs; (s)he would have to exhibit insane feats of eccentricity to score points. The epitome of one with high BBP status is Sir Richard Branson.
AGB (Acts of Gentlemanly Behaviour) were next assigned. This is a particularly good category, as it can be applied to average fellows (not every fellow can aspire to earn BBPs, but AGB points are readily achievable with just a modicum of civility). Examples of AGB-worthy behaviour include: letting a classmate use a piece of lab equipment before you, holding open doors, pulling out chairs, helping people pick up dropped books and helping someone who has had an embarrassing moment. In certain circumstances, girls can also earn AGB points; however, this point system was initially developed as a tool for evaluating a male for potential dating.
FBFPs, or Facebook faux pas, are a substantially less positive system for identifying those moments we all suffer: Facebook chat failures. We can all remember a time that we hastily pressed the enter key and subsequently sent a non-sensical snippet of unfinished text or uncalled-for emoticon (accidental winky-face anyone?), and of course there are always poorly thought out conversation exit strategies to consider ("well...I have to go wash my dog now. Bye!"). FBFPs may be a mark of shame, but they are also an easy way of acknowledging your mistake with a bit of humour and without causing further awkwardness. Here is an example conversation in which use of the FBFP is a great solution to all (or some of) your chat woes:
Sarah Nason
Pahaha the thing you spend the least time on is always the funniest
And I mean that TIMES TWO!
Charlotte Forss
You switch into caps lock and you no longer make sense.
Sarah Nason
Hahahah when I sent that the first time it showed up as me sending the first part twice! Damn you fb, you make me fbfp!
Another type of points that emerged were YAPS and YADS. These two highly related categories are probably not very useful for the average person's life because they refer directly to no one other than Sarah Nason. YAPS are You Are Pleasing to Sarah and YADS are You Are Displeasing to Sarah. But one could easily substitute Sarah with their own name though, so do not disregard these acronyms completely! An easily explained system, you assign a YAP_ point whenever someone does something you like and you assign a YAD_ whenever someone does something that you dislike. Also, it should be noted that "you are pleasing to me" is a very creepy and potentially villainous thing to say, so if you are assigning a YAP_ you can also do evil hand gestures to drive your point home.
Hopefully this helps you blog readers in your judgmental exploits, much as it has helped us.
Hoping you didn't assign a YAD_ to this post,
Charlotte, Sarah and Candace
